all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
