Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
