careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
