i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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