...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
