every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
