I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
