Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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