i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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