I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
