I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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