I got chris browned last night
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
