I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
