READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
