I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
