just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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