The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
