Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
