To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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