yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Barsexuality is the new black.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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