Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize