HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
