dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
