I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This baby is an asshole
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
