He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize