everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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