people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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