If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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