hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Holy sore nipples Batman
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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