So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
