You made me cry and you don't even care
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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