I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
