i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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