Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
