It's like God shit irony all over that family
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
