My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize