y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
