im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hippo gnu deer
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize