The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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