I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
