i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
