My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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