my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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