she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
