I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
