Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
