White coat. Heels.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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