is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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