He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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