He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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