So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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