He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
