My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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