Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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