This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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