You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
