so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
