and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I deserve this hangover.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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