i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
