I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
