How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize