I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The best revenge is premature balding
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
