I skipped work to stalk him.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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