Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
