so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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