I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Found your dick twin last night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You don't make any sense
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