I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
