I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize