someone get that fucking seahorse.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
